I had a rather mad plan to be at B&Q at 8am this morning to take back the second batch of the wardrobe stuff. But luckily I saw sense - it would have meant me going to town with the roof down and half a wardrobe hanging out of the back of the car, in damp, dark, fog. How stupid would that have been?!

In the end I took a smaller pile of stuff back in the afternoon. Whilst I was there I bought a light - that's right, like someone in an abusive relationship I went back for more! But actually whilst they're shit at furniture their lighting is fabulous! I also attempted to buy a gift voucher for my sister for Christmas but when I got to the till the boy working it looked at me like I was mad, and said, "I'm sorry I don't know how to do that." How silly of me to think anyone would want gift vouchers at this time of years!

Earlier in the day I'd been to town for a little Christmas shopping (up to 60% now), had a haircut, bumped into Jan & Barry, and unexpectedly bought some cords! I'd gone into Marks & Spencers in search of lighting and before I knew it I'd bought lovely brown cords. Nothing says winter to me more than brown cords and a nice jumper but I haven't had cords for 18 months since I entered my most recent fat phase. So I'm happy now.

This evening I've accidentally found myself watching trashy Saturday night TV: Strictly Come Dancing (fab!), The X Factor (too many songs I didn't know, and where's Britney) and now I'm a Celebrity..., which appears to be completely shit! I think it might be time for bed....

Comedy

Tonight Trish & I went to the Arts Centre in King's Lynn to see the comedian Jeremy Hardy. He's one of my favourite comedians but once I started to think about it I realised I haven't seen him in years, which is stupid because he's so good!

His comedy is very political, very left wing Guardian reading, wearing a sensible cardigan comedy. But he really knows his politics so it's almost like an education as you're laughing. It made me realise just how vacuous some modern comedy is! He did nearly two hours and wasn't in the slightest bit dull, doing accents to illustrate his stories, and taking the piss out of himself as much as anyone else. I haven't laughed so much in ages, and it was good to remember how much fun live comedy can be.

Then I went back to Trish's for a Chinese take away and a good gossip with her and Janet - lovely to see you both! XXX

Tragedy

(OK, I realise this is overstating things slightly because, as Jan says, no one died, but I've got a theme going on so bear with me!)

The first pile of wardrobe bits went back to B&Q this evening. I was fully anticipating some grief from them but the lovely young man on the returns counter couldn't have been more helpful. He had the buttons on his polo shirt undone enough to reveal an impressive amount of chest hair. I have a dreadful weakness for a hairy chest, and I honestly think if he'd denied me a refund I wouldn't have minded. Oh what I'd give for half an hour in a Stock Room with him....

Farce?

Everyone deals with annoying situations in different way: some turn to drink, others to drugs, and more to food, but my vice of choice in these situations is casual sex. And this week very specifically married men in my lunch hour.

Thursday's husband had a shaven head and builds sheds for a living, and judging from the things he said I have a feeling he might have made one for my sister! He also flies microlights in his spare time. Apparently his wife doesn't mind him messing around with men because she's a nurse and they're notoriously open minded about these things, so he claims, although I couldn't quite work out how daily exposure to death and disease would make you any more forgiving of adultery so he could be kidding himself, but who am I to take the moral highground!

Friday's husband was short and ridiculously hairy. Not only is he married with kids but he has a boyfriend of four years! Is it just me or is that completely barking? I know all relationships are differnt, and I ought to have a few more of my own before I judge other people's, but in what world does that make sense? Men: we're all mad!

I had a slightly annoying day at work yesterday but came home determined to get this stupid wardrboe business finished. I had a careful plan of what I was going to do, which was just as well as clamping and drilling were involved.

An hour later, after yet another bit failed to fit as it should, I lost it. Not in a screaming shouting kind of way, but in a very clear and calm kind of way. I got on the phone, and when they were unable to help the man from B&Q suggested I bring the offending piece back. I said, "actually I've had enough of it and want to bring it all back." Which is just what I'll be doing over the next few days.

As I lay here in bed now I look at all the work involved and think, "perhaps I can live with it?" but it's shit and I can't, so I won't. B&Q are c*nts, and once this is over I will never buy anything from them again. I'm good with grudges. I could weep!

And so the wardrobe fiasco stumbles into its second week...

The bits that didn't turn up last week were due to arrive today, but to be honest I wasn't optimistic! When they hadn't arrived by lunchtime my heart sank and I braced myself for a row. But then at 3pm the first bit turned up at work. At 3.30pm the second piece turned up at home, delivered by the same driver as the first, who was understandably baffled as to why I was taking deliveries all over the place. He wasn't the only one!

So after work I fetched Mum and we got on with the assembly of the double wardrobe. It was all together on the floor - no mean feat in a small bedroom with a double bed in it!- and just needed standing up, at which point I started to panic that it wouldn't because of the low ceiling. Of course I'd measured it to make sure the height would fit in, but when things shift from horizontal to vertical it's the diagonal length that's the longest. I thought we were going to get in jammed into the ceiling and was ready to take it apart and have a bonfire when Mum twisted it slightly and it stood up. My mother may be a genius!

At that point it seemed like a good idea to give up - the next bit involves drilling and sawing, neither of which I enjoy or am good at! I wonder if the wardrobes will ever be finished?...

Meanwhile my letter of complaint is now three pages long plus photographs and shows no sign of ending!

Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about Barcelona, I'll write about that soon I promise! But for now I need beer. Lots of beer!....

I didn't go back to work yesterday because luckily I had enough holiday left so I didn't have to. I knew I'd be tired, but more than that I knew I'd be relaxed and just not want to go back. Today I'll be facing my fear. Boo.

So instead yesterday I had a gentle day: shopping, food and adultery.

In the morning I took Mum out to do some shopping, ostensibly to get a birthday gift for my nephew but really in the hope she'd pick something for Christmas. She's so difficult - when originally asked what she wanted this year she said, "a doormat and a water filter." Because nothing says Christmas like a water filter! Thanks to dogged determination we've managed to get some more interesting stuff than that but she's hard work. Now you know where I get it from!

To celebrate buying something, anything, we had chips, which was possibly a foolish thing to do with an afternoon's adultery ahead of me! And who was the 'lucky' man? The 24 year old! There's so much madness involved in this it's hard to know where to begin, but luckily none of the madness is mine. Apart from the whole bit about getting involved with someone else's 24 year old boyfriend. Oh.

Anyway, he should have been at work yesterday but had decided to have a day off sick. He wasn't poorly, but apparently his work owe him some time and were being difficult about it. Strangely he only decided once he knew I was going to be at home. Hmmm. His boyfriend was also not working that day, so you'd think they would have done something nice together. But no - the boyfriend had arranged to go to lunch with a strange man from Nottingham who he met on the internet. But the 24 year old wouldn't let him. And the 24 year old saw me. They're celebrating their first anniversary next week, do you think they'll make it to a second?

So I turned up to pick him up and the boyfriend was hiding upstairs. Literally hiding. Apparently he said, "when I see the car I'm going to hide upstairs." You need to remember that we had brief but bad sex together about 18 months ago, and clearly neither of us wants to be reminded of it!

As the 24 year old couldn't go into town, where he might be spotted by his work colleagues, we came back to mine. We spent a nice couple of hours chatting in bed until it got dark outside, all cosied under the covers. It was really quite lovely.

And then I dropped him off, pottered round the supermarket, and came home for a lazy evening doing nothing. I really, really don't want to go to work today.

Big Barcelona blog to follow another time...

Hola

I'm back! Barcelona was gorgeous! I had a lovely weekend! Will tell you all about it later but for now here's a picture of me on the beach - in November, and yet it was warm enough to paddle!



(right to left: me, Sarah, Sarah's boyfriend David!)