I got home tonight to find that the house next door to me was empty, which means that the awful neighbours have finally moved! Hurrah! Hurrah!
So in their honour, and in the absence of any actual news, let's enjoy my favourite moments from our time together, in no particular order:
The night the woman came home at about 3am and clearly had forgotten her key. She banged on the door half an hour, calling out, "Graham! Graham! Let me in!" Unfortunately her husband didn't seem to hear her. Next thing I hear is a loud bashing sound- she's using their wheelie bin as a battering ram to try and break into her own house, which is pretty impressive as she's not much bigger than a wheelie bin. But still that doesn't wake him up, so she goes round to the back door and smashes a pain of glass in the door so she can let herself in.
The night they play music all night, really loudly, finally stopping at 9am on Sunday morning - I'm guessing they passed out and didn't notice it was on - which promoted me to report them to Environmental Health, who wrote them a letter which prompted a certain amount of frostiness between us.
The night the screamed at each other until 4am, at which point I thought, "fuck it!" and called the police. Who then turned up in two enormous cars, which seemed a tad heavy handed! It shut them up, but we never spoke again after that.
Do you think I'm going to miss them?
The trouble is the house has always attracted unhappy people. I'll always remember hearing the couple who lived there when I first moved in screaming at each other then trying to work out what the strange thudding was. Eventually I worked out they were throwing things at each other! Several others followed, including the couple with the young daughter who wouldn't stop talking to me if she say me outdoors, and the single man who lived on his own then vanished unexpectedly one day, probably to prison. So part of me thinks that the last neighbours were just the latest in a descending spiral of awfulness - could the next ones possibly be worse?!
If you know anyone who wants to rent or buy a terrace house in a small market town, with a lovely gay neighbour do send them my way! But not if they're mad and prone to shouting. Or throwing things.
So in their honour, and in the absence of any actual news, let's enjoy my favourite moments from our time together, in no particular order:
The night the woman came home at about 3am and clearly had forgotten her key. She banged on the door half an hour, calling out, "Graham! Graham! Let me in!" Unfortunately her husband didn't seem to hear her. Next thing I hear is a loud bashing sound- she's using their wheelie bin as a battering ram to try and break into her own house, which is pretty impressive as she's not much bigger than a wheelie bin. But still that doesn't wake him up, so she goes round to the back door and smashes a pain of glass in the door so she can let herself in.
The night they play music all night, really loudly, finally stopping at 9am on Sunday morning - I'm guessing they passed out and didn't notice it was on - which promoted me to report them to Environmental Health, who wrote them a letter which prompted a certain amount of frostiness between us.
The night the screamed at each other until 4am, at which point I thought, "fuck it!" and called the police. Who then turned up in two enormous cars, which seemed a tad heavy handed! It shut them up, but we never spoke again after that.
Do you think I'm going to miss them?
The trouble is the house has always attracted unhappy people. I'll always remember hearing the couple who lived there when I first moved in screaming at each other then trying to work out what the strange thudding was. Eventually I worked out they were throwing things at each other! Several others followed, including the couple with the young daughter who wouldn't stop talking to me if she say me outdoors, and the single man who lived on his own then vanished unexpectedly one day, probably to prison. So part of me thinks that the last neighbours were just the latest in a descending spiral of awfulness - could the next ones possibly be worse?!
If you know anyone who wants to rent or buy a terrace house in a small market town, with a lovely gay neighbour do send them my way! But not if they're mad and prone to shouting. Or throwing things.
2 comments:
Haha, I would love to have seen the woman with the wheelie bin. Seriously.
You could always extend into next door?
I remember the couple that didnt appear to drive but left an abandoned car at a jaunty angle on your drive
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