I've been a strange, disapproving creature today, part Queen Victoria, part The Daily Mail. I was going to write about it but that would only encourage that part of me, which reminds me more than anything of my mother, so I thought better of it. I'm disappointed with myself, and so should you be. Just to be on the safe side it might be wise to hide your table legs if I pay you a visit though!

I finished work early and was hoping to have a nice potter round the shops, but I forgot it was half term and the fair was in town - it was madness out there! So I shopped as quickly as I could and had a haircut, finding just enough time to hide from my uncle in Sainsburys. I'm not proud of myself, but it's what I needed to do.

Then I came home, sat on the sofa, and it broke again! So I tipped it over and did another one of my bodge up jobs on it although what I really wanted to do with it was smash it and burn it. So I ordered a new one. Off the internet. Without even sitting on it. Fingers crossed then!

I could have had a gentleman caller tonight but as you may have noticed I'm sort of off men at the moment. It wasn't exactly a New Year's Resolution as I'd started to feel this way at the end of last year, but a new year seemed liked a good time for a new start.

I'd been chatting to him online for a couple of weeks but when I went to put his number in my phone I realise I didn't know, or had forgotten, his name, and I just don't want to keep doing that. So I did what I hate and made an excuse not to see him.

Instead I went to see Ema & Alan, which was much more fun, sitting round their kitchen table for a couple of hours gossiping and catching up. Interestingly some of the gossip involved two people from work, who're having an affair. I'd guessed as much from the way they've been behaving, and apparently it's something of an open secret at work. These things are always interesting, because although I have a sometimes casual attitude to other people's relationships part of me is quite prudish about this kind of thing and disapproves. It sounds like we're in for interesting times at work...

Tonight I'm watching the BRIT awards for the first time in years. I'm only watching because the Pet Shop Boys are getting an award and are playing lots. Here are my thoughts, as it happens:

U2 - what the f*ck does Bono look like? Having the lyrics flash up on the screen behind them was also a bad idea, they sound like second-rate Robbie William's lyrics, which is no compliment! I was excited about their return. I'm not now.

Duffy - one good song on an otherwise dull album and big hair isn't really award winning is it? And the jammy cow got a kiss from Simon Pegg.

Girls Aloud - pink feathers, big staircase, white top hats and tails - could they have been anymore camp? And they sang live too. Pity it wasn't their best song...

Fearne Cotton - why?!

Coldplay - is the bass player unexpectedly handsome? Nice confetti business too. But the song was so dull I had to go and open a bottle of wine!

Paul Weller - you're too old for that hair! Sort it out or f*ck off! And Natalie Imbruglia, what's going on with her hair too? [Oh the irony of a balding man offering hair criticism!]

Take That - on a spaceship! Looking hot! For a moment they were the most fabulous thing ever, until I realised they were miming. The shame!

Kings of Leon - kill me now.

Kanye West - nutter!

The Ting Tings & Estelle - that didn't really work did it, which is a shame as Estelle's single was fab!

Tom Jones - when did he suddenly go grey?!

Brandon Flowers - will you marry me? Please!

Pet Shop Boys - they didn't disappoint did they! The second they finished I ordered a ticket for their concert at the O2 arena, despite the fact that it's not my favourite venue by some margin. They're genius!

Random other stuff: why was the stage so far from the audience, meaning everyone had to walk for hours to get there? Can Kylie actually move her forehead? Why did the stage look like a festival, apart from the big stairs that came from a Busby Berkeley musical? Why did I waste two hours of my life watching it?

The best bit was the Mastercard advert with the women miming to ABC's The Look of Love, which was complete genius!

Time for bed!

Happy birthday to... me!



Don't panic, you didn't forget, or accidentally fall asleep and wake up in December, it's not actually my birthday, but it is seven years today since I started this blog!

Who'd have thought that I'd still be doing this now, and that you'd still be reading! And who'd have thought that some silly little internet thing I started on a dull Sunday afternoon would have changed my life as much as it has. And let's make no mistake, this really has changed my life! So many things have happened, most of which I've written here, so much has changed and so much has stayed the same, but it's been fabulous!

Thank you for reading, because if you didn't this would just be stupid typing! xxx

The 24 year old stayed over last night. To be honest I hadn't wanted him to, but his persistence paid off. In truth whatever I've been feeling for him had started to wear off, because of the whole Valentine's Day weekend.

His boyfriend was going away this weekend, and bizarrely the 24 year old didn't want to be left alone in their house, which is a bit mad considering his age and the fact that he's lived alone before. He tried to invite himself over for Valentine's Day, but I'd already made plans to be in London. So he tried to invite himself to London, which I wasn't having. Then he suggested he came over on the Friday night instead, which was a crafty way of being here on Valentine's Day, and once he was here how could I throw him out and go to London? So I made up a fictitious dinner date, and he said, "well you can take me out to dinner on Sunday to make up for it then." This annoyed me as I felt I had nothing to make up for, and I don't like being told what to do, so I made another excuse and in the end he invited himself over last night, and I was too weak to say 'no'.

I crossed my fingers he'd cancel, but he didn't. But in the end it turned out to be a really nice evening. My feelings about him haven't changed - he's nice but he's not The One - but he is giving me glimpses of how life could be. We just had a relaxed evening here, chatting, drinking, eating Chinese takeaway, watching a not very good Drew Barrymore film, then bed. I never thought such a low-key evening could be so satisfying just because someone else was part of it.

It's the bed part that's proving the biggest revelation. No, not the sex, just having someone else in the bed whilst I sleep. It's something I've not done very often, and for years I simply couldn't sleep if anyone else was in the bed with me - I'd just cling to the edge of the mattress, and would never relax enough to sleep. It was frankly a nightmare. Or I'd find it too hot. Or squashed. I wasn't a happy bedfellow. And yet with him I have no problem falling asleep with my arms round him, which feels really nice.

So why isn't he the one? Aside from the fact he already has a boyfriend you mean? Well, he's ridiculously self-centred. When we chat he never asks what I've been up to, all the time he was here he never once asked how my trip to London was, yet will talk endlessly about what he's been doing. It's not the end of the world, we all know people like that, you just get used to it. I just don't want to go out with anyone like it!

Before I go, big congratulations to Jan & Josh on the safe arrival of their baby son on Sunday. And happy birthday Josh! xx

[What follows may turn out to be a bit long and rambling. This is your reward for putting up with the short, sulky stuff I've been giving you over the last week. Or your punishment.]

Valentine's Day

A couple of years ago I had a change of mind about Valentine's Day, because spending the day sulking and miserably resenting anyone who got a card wasn't really working out. And it didn't really take into account the fact that I didn't actually want a card. So I tried a new approach, embracing the romanticism of the day and not really worrying about it. And getting out and about wherever possible. Which seems to have worked as the whole day is far less of a minefield than it used to be. I fear the post still, not because it might include no cards, but because it might actually include one, which would really put the cat amongst the pigeons! Thankfully this year there were no cards, so all is well with the world.

London

So I ran away to London for the day. And why not? I was trying to update my Facebook status in a way that would include this fact, acknowledge it was Valentine's Day, and send a message to the 24 year old about my attitude to love (more about him tomorrow), so I settled on: Garry is spending Valentine's Day with something he loves like a mistress: London!, which I felt achieved everything I wanted, was true and also ridiculously pretentious!

But that is how I feel about London! I do love it, but at heart I'm a country boy: I've lived in the country all my life, and intend to stay here forever if possible, as generations of my family did before me. Yet London always makes my heart race, so it was the perfect place to spend yesterday. And because if was cold and clear it was a great day for wandering!

Art

I started with an exhibition by Cy Twombly. I recognise his name but if I've ever seen his paintings before I couldn't tell you what they were like. But the exhibition was in a gallery I visited for the first time just before Christmas, which I rather took a liking to. It's just five large paintings hung in a big space. Each picture has three roses on it, and some text by Rilke, about who I know even less, although they all seem to be about flowers.

They're big, impressive works, but they're also quite simple so once you've seen them and taken on board how pretty they are there isn't much left to fascinate you. Or at least that's how I felt. Perhaps if I knew his history, or understood the significance of the text, I might have found more depth in them, but as it was they were just big paintings of flowers. Pretty, but as these things go I prefer Andy Warhol's flowers.

Theatre

Next stop, via a lovely walk through town, was the National Theatre. I love the National Theatre, they always have such interesting stuff on! I'd go more often but they have an annoying habit of reviving people like Chekhov who I have no interest in.

I went to see a play called The Pitmen Painters, which is about a group of miners who start an art appreciation class and end up becoming painters themselves. It's one of those extraordinary true stories that you can't quite believe ever happened, but it did!

It's written by Lee Hall, the man who wrote the screenplay for Billy Elliot and also the musical version. Just like those it's set in Northumberland and is about Art and class and miners, but that's where the similarities end. This is set in the 1930s, on the eve of war, and is a more serious piece of work, although it is very funny too. There's lots of discussion about what Art is for, and some lovely paintings! It's beautifully written, and the actors are great, particularly a shaven-headed Geordie who I just wanted to take home with me!

It ends with the cast singing a miner's song, which unexpectedly moved me to tears. The crafty writer did it again - the musical of Billy Elliot starts with a group of miner's singing, which also made me cry.

Belgians

After that I raced across town to meet Dirk and his boyfriend who are here for the weekend to stalk Sharleen Spiteri. I love the fact they come over from Belgium to see bands, it makes me feel better about chasing round the country after Morrissey!

We ended up in Pizza Express and had a nice catch up. As we left a girl from a neighbouring table followed us out and gave Dirk a Valentine's message from one of her friends, which was very funny. Lovely to see you Dirk! xxx


So London on Valentine's Day seems to be the way to go! Hope you had a great day wherever you were!